Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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