And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
