Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i now understand why vodka
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
