he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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