i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
