Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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