I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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