Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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