I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
