Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
