Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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