Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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