Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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