dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
