No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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