Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
