She is in my trunk
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
