Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
