Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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