right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
