im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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