do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
