and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
