guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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