It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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