lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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