and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
