I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
