i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
