she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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