I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
