wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
