Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Your penis caused this!
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