the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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