one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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