I want to have your abortion
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
