Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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