i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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