there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
