Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
