grandma shit on top of the toilet
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
