70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
