Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
