...so i touched it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
