so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
