I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize