My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
