worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
