I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
operation have a gay friend backfired
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
