I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
