When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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