.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
