lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
