Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
