Don't make out with my wife yet
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
