Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
