im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
