please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
