I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
