i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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