you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
