Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
