did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
