We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
