a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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