She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's blow job season.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
