How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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