we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sarcasm needs its own font
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
