wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
