I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
