Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I will pee on everything he values.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
