You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You're like the curious george of whores
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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