Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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