Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
