I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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